Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
