somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
