VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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