any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize