If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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