Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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