Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
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Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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