I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
