i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
