North Korea, Best Korea!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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