Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
