The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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