what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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