Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
