I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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