he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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