Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
