There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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