First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
