i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
