Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please come you make the beer taste better
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
