And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
