My room smells like vodka and shame
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My bed smells like the plague
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
