Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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