I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
