i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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