Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
