my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
