the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
