I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
