sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
