Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
