I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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