he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ttyl tear gas
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
