Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
