I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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