so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
