I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
