No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
