yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
