So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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