:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
