very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
