i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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