Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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