I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Enjoy the penises
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
