who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
