i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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