i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Everyone says I win the strip club
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
