worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
