I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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