you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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