For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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