is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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