hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
