The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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