# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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