overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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