rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
