new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
