you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
