Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
