dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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