you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
