I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
