we made out on top of his cat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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