dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
