where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize