...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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