Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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