mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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