I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize