party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
