her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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