...so i touched it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
