I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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