I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize