i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
