So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
