I am puke
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
