I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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