Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
