Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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