just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
