We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
