Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
