The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
