she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize