3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
